You Learn

It appeared to me a couple of hours ago that there it is definitely most likely (or at least hopefully probable) that what I'm feeling is food poisoning. It hit me, with a montage of either "You Learn" by Alanis Morissette or "Knocked Up" by Kings of Leon playing of the past week; me eating raw bacon, me eating raw pancake mix, me eating liverpaste left out overnight, me half-heartedly washing dishes, me eating raw bratwurst, me getting sandwiches at 7-11, my 10:30 am happy meal, me eating slightly browning onions, me licking the hands of a beggar, et cetera.

Today when everyone introduced themselves in my Psychology of Criminal Behavior, I thought of the following situation:

Teacher: So, everyone, say your name, where you are from, your major, why you took the class, and something interesting about yourself, if you can.

Girl 1: Oh, my name is Amanda! From Tennessee University! Go Volunteers. I'm a Psych major, I took the class because it looked interesting, and ummm, and umm, something interesting about myself. Well, I'm ADDICTED to chocolate.

Guy 1: David, from Bates, Psych Major. I also thought the class looked interesting.

Girl 2: My name is Michelle, and I go to the University of Minnesota where I major in Psychology. And I am now addicted to Danish Pastries! Oh, and Avocados.

Teacher: Well, it seems we have a theme going with the interesting facts.

Guy 2: My name is Will, I go to Penn State, where I major in Psychology also. I'm addicted to Ambien. Oh, and Beef Jerky.


I'm just saying, I think half the class would have cried out of inner conflict.